Don't ever look back (:

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I'm so full of emotion now i just need a place for me to rant.

Okay so this is what happened: There was this talk in the audi today and it ended at 4plus. Slacked and went training only at 5+, and becuz we took quite a long time doing starts, we only managed to end training at 7+. It was 8.40 when i was waiting for the bus at gombak mrt, and this was when she called.

As you all know, i have anger management problems. So as usual she asked me why so late i still haven reached home with that stupidly irritated voice of hers. And as expected i got quite angry becuz i was innocent and somehow i couldn't explain myself at that time becuz i was in a busstop and it's damn freaking awkward.

So i kinda contain my anger till i reached home. Asked her what she wanted to know. I explained myself, but she just doesn't believe me lah. What you want me to say? She keep saying i everytime always that late go home but never once informed her. So i told her there was this period of time i'll always inform her if i'm reaching home relatively late, but everytime i did so i'll get scolded. So i simply asked her,"why don't you try to speak nicely to people next time? Everytime you talk to me you're always damn irritated, and of course i'll get irritated also lah." Then she scolded me again. She said i was talking to her like i'm the mother and she's the child. Of course, what do i expect? I'm always in the wrong. There's just no point in talking nicely to her.

Okay so i walked away to serve myself dinner. Somehow i started tearing the moment i got away from her. So angry man. And when i was eating she continued scolding and scolding. And of course i just took it as if she was scolding someone else and just ate my dinner peacefully.

I bathed and came out, with a refreshed mind. Then when my dad came back my mom complained to him. And yes of course parents always have to stick up for each other, don't they? :) My dad demanded the story and i told him. After explaining myself i turned away from them, couldn't take it and started crying again. This is damn shit i say.

My dad didn't have much to say lah, he just told me to watch out because the way i speak is very rude. And hell whatever man do i look like i care?

Okay so this is what i feel: Why does my mom always have to take her anger/unhappiness out on other people? She told me just now that for being so rude to her(my parents), i'll get retribution, that my child will treat me like this next time. Then i was wondering, if she's so filial and everything, what did she do such that her child is talking to her in this way now? Hehe i didn't say it out lah, if not she'll just come over and whack me, even though i can easily stop her. :D

She's as stubborn as a mule i swear, not a mom you'll want at times. She doesn't ever admit she's wrong. I think from when i was born till now i've never heard her apologise sincerely to anyone else in the family. And what's so difficult about asking your child what she thinks? All they do is think they are always 100% right, but they fail to notice that things are turning out the way they are not because they did sth wrong, but because their actions have led to this, just that they don't know it.

Oh yeah did i ever mention? It's the first time i feel that i've nobody to turn to. I can't talk to my mom obviously, for she doesn't listen, and i can't talk to my dad either, he'll just take her side, and if i ever do that my mom will accuse me of complaining to my dad. I don't think i'll be talking to my older sis too cuz i think she wouldn't want to hear this kind of things. It's not the first time i'm considering going to a counsellor anymore ): but i guess i'm a coward because i don't have the courage to turn up :/

I think partly why i cried its also cuz i'm stressed uh sigh ): been so busy with school life that i really wish i know my family is supporting me from behind. But all i get is this? I'm so tired of keeping up with life. I don't want to do any of the homework either, tio management diary jiu tio lor, why should i care?

Haiz my eyes feel damn tired. Save me someone. 995.

9:49 PM I'm awesome ^^

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Yes eek omg i feel hurt. ): Not that i want to make a big fuss out of nothing but, was genuinely trying to help you yet in return you said sth that sounded as if you were damn irritated T__T

10:48 PM I'm awesome ^^

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Okay shall try to change my style of posting LOL. Saw someone's post and thought it was rather err, nice? Haha anyway that's not the point.

Point is, ohamgee i'm tired. I want to sleeeeeeeeeep but i've got tons of important stuff to do and i doubt i can finish them before 12 oops. Think i'm gonna have to complete my jianbao with ee aft maths talent ): Oh, reminder to self: buy more food ^^

Haha okay so today was a bad day to start with. I was late for assembly (same as being late for sch) and hence, there goes my clean record for 13 years? Totally lost my sense of urgency this year lah, whatever happened to the old me!!

When it came to physics i was so proud of myself for staying awake luh. But when leeleemui gave back our static assignment, lo and behold! i had a big 'BLANK' written on the first page. Come on man she's being damn unfair ): I swear i didn't know how to do that question so i just answered "Attraction will cease." to a question asking me to STATE and EXPLAIN. I guess llm didn't accept it lor. But xiaoqi even more suay, he wrote 3 lines of answer to a question that gave him like 6 lines? And llm drew a big blank there becuz the last 3 lines were on the next page and it was EMPTY. So poor you, xiaoqi >D

Hahahahaha okay anyway i seriously need help with my static man. Got punished by llm so we had to do the questions in the tb and hand it to her tmr. AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ANSWER. Tried googling for it, but that stupid discussion only provides answers to the second part -.- I DESPERATELY NEED THE ANSWER HOW!!!!

Okay no point calling out for help here. Guess i won't get any. Our gangster principal emphasizes on being an independent learner so hmm. Wah okay screw it man. I don't even know how to explain the phenomenon for bzbd, and that's like the first thing you write in a bzbd, so how to start writing leh? LOL

Maths test abt differentiation tomorrow, should i go revise? Another reminder for self: Go LT2 after assembly tmr to hear abt Macau OELP (:

Anyway saw this tumblr thing that says, "I'm okay. Isn't that what i'm supposed to say?" Haha so true at times. Okay very weird, i can't seem to express myself in saying why people always act strong. But is that how people who always pretend they're okay think?

10:02 PM I'm awesome ^^