Don't ever look back (:

Friday, December 3, 2010

okay its been almost a month since i posted.

and hahahaha i think i'm in a damn pathetic state :/

i've always done better in running, but i've started ponning recently uh sigh :/

plus, my studies have always sucked lol, seems like i won't be able to succeed in anything.

i think i'm ruining my 人生.

lol i know this is a very common sentence but yeah nobody fully understands me.

going for training wasn't even a damn problem for me for the past 5 years.

but now everytime i think of training i'd be like -__- lawl, perhaps it's because i've lost my passion for running, or it could very well be because i just don't see a point in going.

went for CIP just now and asked somebody who pons cca why he/she pons, and the person said because he/she doesn't see a point in going too. there.

i've never been able to understand why people can bring themselves to pon cca, but can kinda say i feel i really understand them now lol.

i don't feel wanted or needed, and i hate this feeling :/

had training ytd, and really got the chance to see how differently the boys and girls were treated.

some guy said he was going overseas this tues, so coach apparently planned everything nicely such that he can go through both trainings, while on the other hand, he simply just nodded his head when he knew i was gonna miss training.

I LOVE RUNNING.

but i just hate training terribly.

i complain about everything every single training and i'm sure many will agree :/

i don't see the point in running 10 laps of 100m acceleration.

i don't see why we have to even go training at all.

i also don't understand why i even chose track at all.

okay maybe because i simply love it when people clap or cheer on for me during sports event.

but that's just me i guess :/

this is making me damn emotional LOLOL.

yknow there's this group of people i want to ask,

when they don't go and we turn up, we cover their attendance.

yet when we all don't turn up, we'll cover their punishment in a way or another.

we get scolded because people think we've not even tried to get them to come, but the actual fact is WE HAVE, and along with that we have to 看脸色.

do you think this is fair?

now, imagine you're a runner.

in your cca your gender is greatly OUTNUMBERED, and apparently you have no say in (practically almost) everything.

half your team is always not present for training, and furthermore the opposite gender people doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with you.

HOW WOULD YOU FUCKING FEEL?

somehow this whole thing has affected me :/

lol i can tell anyone freely and openly now that i'm gonna pon training, that i don't see the point in going, and most wouldn't even try to stop me.

this was never the me i knew half a year ago, or the one a few years back.

i don't know what's going to happen next and i'm fucking scared uh sigh :/

3:01 PM I'm awesome ^^