Don't ever look back (:

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I'm so full of emotion now i just need a place for me to rant.

Okay so this is what happened: There was this talk in the audi today and it ended at 4plus. Slacked and went training only at 5+, and becuz we took quite a long time doing starts, we only managed to end training at 7+. It was 8.40 when i was waiting for the bus at gombak mrt, and this was when she called.

As you all know, i have anger management problems. So as usual she asked me why so late i still haven reached home with that stupidly irritated voice of hers. And as expected i got quite angry becuz i was innocent and somehow i couldn't explain myself at that time becuz i was in a busstop and it's damn freaking awkward.

So i kinda contain my anger till i reached home. Asked her what she wanted to know. I explained myself, but she just doesn't believe me lah. What you want me to say? She keep saying i everytime always that late go home but never once informed her. So i told her there was this period of time i'll always inform her if i'm reaching home relatively late, but everytime i did so i'll get scolded. So i simply asked her,"why don't you try to speak nicely to people next time? Everytime you talk to me you're always damn irritated, and of course i'll get irritated also lah." Then she scolded me again. She said i was talking to her like i'm the mother and she's the child. Of course, what do i expect? I'm always in the wrong. There's just no point in talking nicely to her.

Okay so i walked away to serve myself dinner. Somehow i started tearing the moment i got away from her. So angry man. And when i was eating she continued scolding and scolding. And of course i just took it as if she was scolding someone else and just ate my dinner peacefully.

I bathed and came out, with a refreshed mind. Then when my dad came back my mom complained to him. And yes of course parents always have to stick up for each other, don't they? :) My dad demanded the story and i told him. After explaining myself i turned away from them, couldn't take it and started crying again. This is damn shit i say.

My dad didn't have much to say lah, he just told me to watch out because the way i speak is very rude. And hell whatever man do i look like i care?

Okay so this is what i feel: Why does my mom always have to take her anger/unhappiness out on other people? She told me just now that for being so rude to her(my parents), i'll get retribution, that my child will treat me like this next time. Then i was wondering, if she's so filial and everything, what did she do such that her child is talking to her in this way now? Hehe i didn't say it out lah, if not she'll just come over and whack me, even though i can easily stop her. :D

She's as stubborn as a mule i swear, not a mom you'll want at times. She doesn't ever admit she's wrong. I think from when i was born till now i've never heard her apologise sincerely to anyone else in the family. And what's so difficult about asking your child what she thinks? All they do is think they are always 100% right, but they fail to notice that things are turning out the way they are not because they did sth wrong, but because their actions have led to this, just that they don't know it.

Oh yeah did i ever mention? It's the first time i feel that i've nobody to turn to. I can't talk to my mom obviously, for she doesn't listen, and i can't talk to my dad either, he'll just take her side, and if i ever do that my mom will accuse me of complaining to my dad. I don't think i'll be talking to my older sis too cuz i think she wouldn't want to hear this kind of things. It's not the first time i'm considering going to a counsellor anymore ): but i guess i'm a coward because i don't have the courage to turn up :/

I think partly why i cried its also cuz i'm stressed uh sigh ): been so busy with school life that i really wish i know my family is supporting me from behind. But all i get is this? I'm so tired of keeping up with life. I don't want to do any of the homework either, tio management diary jiu tio lor, why should i care?

Haiz my eyes feel damn tired. Save me someone. 995.

9:49 PM I'm awesome ^^