its gonna be a long post
so be prepared yeah.
quite emo though :)

--

i can't take it.
i really can't.
they keep quarreling
my parents i mean
my dad and my mum
what is their problem?
i dunno if i look strong on the outside
but im definitely not strong on the inside
=.=
im terrified.
TERRIFIED.
they started off with my mum nagging
then they were shouting.
abt stuffs.
stuffs like us-
the fetching of THEIR children.
their responsibilities
the time they have
to spend with the family and themselves
and most importantly,communication.
they also talked abt changing roles
my dad will stay at home
and my mum will go back to working.
sigh
this is all so wrong.

my fear has sort of turned a little into ANGER.
i really felt angry.
i was telling myself,
if they go any further into quarreling
as in if either party suggests divorcing
(although just now my dad mentioned smth like
"go find a new husband")
i will just grab my handphone
and my wallet
(wch contains abt $23.30 + my cards)
stride out to the living room
where they are
and scream whatever is on my mind
AT THEM
and totally walk out
SCREAM & WALK OUT
ARGH

i hate them.
i hate them.
i dun wan to resist
i wanna cry
just like my cousin(my age)
did last year
when there was a really heated argument.
and guess what.
it involved knives.
it is really that scary.
this is one of the few moments
i really wanted myself to become weak.
the weakest person there ever was.
im at a lost.
i dunno what to do.

my sisters' swimming lesson
THEIR money.
THEIR time.
all WASTED.
all because of their foolishness.
seriously,
havent they wasted enough time and saliva?
DONT THEY HAVE ANY COMMON SENSE.
=.=

i need my sister.
she's off to track training.
i feel a sense of security when she's around
she ain't around now
she doesn't even know what is happening at home now
i dun wan her to come home.
i dun wan her to be troubled because of the argument
iLy 姐姐.

smsed seokyin earlier
when the argument started not long ago
asked me not to worry.
says it common.
comforted me.
yeah thanks darling :]]

seokyin:
Don worry la my mum and dad do that so often that i find it super weird if they don quarrel for one day.Its normal kay.Don worry they wont divorce.Just think abt the consequences.Your parents would have to fight for custody over you and your sisters.They have to move out of the house and live separately.You think they would rather suffer long erm or short term.

listening to mp3.
S.H.E songs
couldn't hear it
songs begin and end deafly
夜曲 by 周杰仑
heard the song.
playing now.
kinda feel sad when i heard him sing.
as though i could feel the pain
and suffering he wanted to convey.

secretly i think my mum has a larger fault then my dad
the arguments started because of HER.
my dad doesn't create arguments.
talking abt money now.
FUCK larh.
ASK THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES.
can you like even take it??
well,maybe you can;
i can't though.
im going to go crazy.
BONKOS.
i want to slap them
one for each.
to wake them up.
i wish there were someone
someone to stand up to them.
im too much of a coward
to do that myself.

to my two younger sisters:
对不起 ，我真没用。
我知道我没有资格做你的二姐。
对不起。

i thought
abt lots of stuffs
if i really walk out,
where will i go?
my close aunt/friend?
nope.too far.
my relatives?
no way-they are in malaysia.
nobelle,seokyin?
i'll be crazy to do that.
think abt it-
its my family matter.
drop by their hse and say,"
hello 你好。
我刚离家出走，决定来你家坐坐。
希望你能收留我。"
wow.say that?
only real ASSHOLES say that.
im not saying they lack anything.
its just that i dun wanna trouble them
when it is MY family problem.

okay.
they finally STOPPED.
kinda long=.=
2+ hour.
good or bad sign?
dun ask me.
i dun even have the slightest freaking idea
very vexed.
sigh.

sorry guys.
this post is abt me
ranting on and on
nth pleasant.
its darn boring alrite.
who knoes i'll be posting
this kind of fucking idiotic post soon.
shyt larh =.=
wrote a draft on paper
and wasted alot of pen ink =.=

-ends here
buh-bye. (:

3:25 PM I'm awesome ^^